Fear - the world's greatest trap.

I did a big stupid thing several months ago and I flipping bought a domain before I really thought about it and decided that this was something I wanted to commit to. The funny thing is I started writing a whole lot less as soon as I actually bought the domain. So I did some thinking and I went and talked to my therapist (my therapist usually changes every couple months because their just the people at the hair salon.) But this lady told me something and I really related to her so I just had to come and take action, even if it's just one stupid post that one or two people might read.

I have this big dream to graduate high school, serve a mission for my church and then travel the world being vegan, getting to know people and mother nature and care for both of them as much as I can. And then write about it. I would also like to have a talk show like Ellen. I don't want to be a stand up comedian, but I do want to talk because I'm really funny. I think people would love to listen to me.

I was asking the nice hair-stylist lady about her and I came to realize that we had a lot of similarities. Such as her relationship with her parents, her general outlook on life and people, and her goals that she had at my age. She told me that she knew exactly what she wanted to do when she was eighteen. She had a clear vision. When she finally told me the career path she was planning on taking I was DUMB FOUNDED. She said she wanted to be a JOURNALIST, work for a MAGAZINE, and live in a BIG CITY. Which is exactly WHAT I WANT TO A CERTAIN EXTENT. She wanted to be a JOURNALIST. Living in New York is one of my biggest aspirations. But she said that she ended up taking a different path. I asked her what stopped her and she said...... FEAR. The whole thing overwhelmed her and it never happened.

I realized I was in that exact same position and I had to make a decision now, my senior year. Casey Neistat, my mother, ballet, and some books has taught me some things. If you want something to happen than you have to work hard every day. You have to be motivated and driven. You have to be incredibly tough. You have to learn to question yourself and work on yourself but not to constantly bring yourself down.

At this exact moment in time, I believe that the most important thing to know is that you don't have to be perfect in order to be successful.

I've been listening to Candice and Casey Neistats' Couple's Therapy podcast. My mom's been listening to this book "punch fear in the face" and she noticed some similarities between the podcast and the book. Casey said that there's always that one thing that looks really scary but in reality it's not and you just have to face that stupid fear to push your way to success. And I think I have a lot of those stupid little things. I want to get up early everyday but I don't believe I can so I don't. Which is the most stupid excuse ever. I have before I just don't consistently. Casey Neistat doesn't sleep and I don't really get it. I wish I had his energy.

Like this blog. I'm scared I won't be consistent so I just don't write. Which is pathetic and irrational.

When you're a little kid you don't have insecurities and nearly as many fears. I'm not going to try to make the statement that kids have no fear, I just think their fears may be a little more rational in a way. They're scared of monsters and aliens and Santa Clause. Why? Because monsters and aliens and Santa will most definitely eat and destroy them! Adults are scared of what? Failure. Loneliness. Mediocrity. Poverty. Death.

Small repetitive habits can lead to these. So we get paranoid, insecure, anxious. I'm not a philosopher or poet, but I think I might be close to being right about this. I'm scared that I won't graduate. And what's so terrible about not graduating? Humiliation, guilt, not having as many options for the future. Things simply get more serious. Which is why you have to be more brave even if you're faking it. You just have to decide that whatever it is you're doing or trying to do. You have to tell yourself you deserve it and that the unknown is a beautiful thing.

I think that might be one of the biggest things that people are scared of, the future and the unknown. Which makes sense. There could be WWIII, an alien invasion, identity theft, a mass shooting that you just happen to be in the wrong place for. There's plenty of rational and irrational fears in this society.

The world is a terrible dangerous place. But there are lot's good people as well. If they knew how good they were they would be one million times better. I saw that quote at a museum in San Francisco last week.

And now I shall conclude with a quote from Mr. Rogers.

"In a way, you've already won in this world, because you're the only one who can be you."

Thank you Mr. Rogers, and goodnight.