To the person that hurt me a year ago:

I've been told by a lot of people that I shouldn't let people walk all over me. That I can't be a pushover and put myself below everyone else. That it's okay to not let people take advantage of me.

I've told myself that I was in the wrong. I told myself that in order to make things right with someone you can't just decide that their wrong, you have to see things from both perspectives and be humble enough to say "I'm sorry, I'm wrong."

Today I learned that I was in fact being cheated on. I don't know how to feel or how to react because I am so happy with my life now. I still have some fears and insecurities and I definitely learned from being treated like a trash can.

I've cut out a lot of toxic people in my life and for a while, I felt bad for it. But now that I look back and see that I was hiding so many aches and bruises I'm so glad I did force myself to be alone and not devote myself to any other human being other than my family members.

I realized today that during that relationship I was hurting for the majority and that wasn't always my fault. I don't have to sit there and put the blame on myself constantly.

Thinking back on this experience I had that truly shaped me as a person I am grateful that it happened. But I'm ready to put out that flame of pain completely. I'm ready to stop being haunted by that toxic relationship.

So here's a short message to my past self:

It's okay to cry. It's okay to cry a lot even though it happened months ago. It doesn't hurt because you miss him it hurts because it was toxic. It hurts because you let someone you loved and trusted put you down. It hurts because you already didn't see yourself right and you let them make you believe that it wasn't an already distorted view. It hurts because you're taking all the blame. You might want to take some of it, but you didn't break it. You made sure to never let the other person feel bad and it backfired.

After lies and cheats that you performed together, it finally went downhill and the whole thing was a lie. You sensed it and felt it approaching. You even asked, you used confrontation and you still received a bucket of cow dung.

Well, I'm here to tell you now that it's okay. You are the one in pain not him so you shouldn't feel guilty. You're not crazy. You are not immature. In any way shape or form. In fact, you were extremely mature for trying to fix things between you two months after it happened and that didn't work because of his response, not your warm invitation.

You've never been the one at fault. Now it's time to smile and turn the other cheek and walks away. His judgments and his subtle ways of putting you down still haunt you I know. You still worry oh no he may not like that or he might disapprove because that's how much you care about people. But it's time to love yourself so much more than that. God doesn't need you to be friends with your enemies, he just said pray for them. God never said not to have enemies, he just said to be nice and courteous with them.

This I believe, that it is time to cut out people not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. Their opinions and thoughts about you do not matter. The only opinions about yourself that do matter are your own and God's.

You are going to be okay. Someone loves you now which is huge. Remember believing for over a decade that you're unlovable?

You don't have to believe that there is something undeniably and permanently "wrong" with you. You are not your ex's to judge and your not doomed to a broken marriage like your parents. Although you believe in what you see, you are your own person. Put on a bandaid, roll up your sleeves and realize that no one ever lied when they told you how beautiful and precious you are.

You don't need to be fixed and no one looks down on you. Your purpose here on this Earth is not to please everyone, it is to please God and watch the rest of those precious blessings unfold.

Happy back to school Monday!