My last day of summer

This is an exciting moment for multiple reasons. Not only the last day of summer for me of 2019, but as a high school student. In a year from now, I'll be on my own out of the house doing something that doesn't pertain to high school. I'm not sure where I want to go to college or what I want to do with my life, but I'm going to do something.

Right now I have a nasty cold I'm trying to get over. I am thoroughly annoyed that I have to start my senior year being SICK but I guess that's just how life be sometimes.

I did some research and I realized that Rose on the Titanic was 17, Jack was 20, and Cal was 30. That's a 13 year age difference between her and her fiance. I realized back then that that hardly mattered as much as it does now because the difference between men and women were so diverse. It didn't really matter the age of a woman because they all had the same duties to perform as a wife. That was stay quiet, be agreeable, look presentable, and teach your daughters to do the same. Rose wasn't about to do that. Best movie of all time.

Because I don't have a therapist I'm just going to have to be my own.

So Abi, why are you feeling so anxious and nervous for your senior year to start?

Well every year the school starts just feels awful. The weather is pretty chilly in the morning and then by the time you get out of school it's roasting and you have to carry around your sweater. Also my car doesn't have air conditioning and driving is just miserable. This is also the time in which it get's really smoky and miserable because of all the forest fires around the pacific Northwest, it isn't as bad this year but I have a cold so I'm still miserable.

I have some online classes to finish and I'm scared I won't be able to. I have a forte audition and I'm scared that's going to go all wrong and I won't get in. I don't want to have to watch my friends sing and dance while I have to sit in the audience again like last year because that SUCKED. I'm scared that I'll get in my head too much like I'm doing now haha.

I'm scared that I'm going to want to things to turn out perfectly and I'll be disappointed. I'm scared of having a playlist and then listening to that playlist over and over till I hate it. I'm scared of running in the afternoon and then being tired the rest of the day.

But I have a solution to all of this. This summer went well because it went exactly as I expected it to. I had to stay inside and work most of the time. I didn't have the perfect beach body. I didn't ever go to the beach. I hiked badger TWICE. It didn't last as long as your fantasies hope for. But you know what for what it's worth I did have fun. I did make good memories. It wasn't perfect and I cried a lot and I never went on any dates and I had a blast. It was all okay.

So if I just do the same for this school year (knowing exactly what to expect and what expectations to have for myself) than I think I might live. I'm going to have to have some time management skills, but they won't be perfect. There's going to be some late nights and early mornings. I'm going to get good grades. I'll be single so I can really focus on my goals rather than the mess I was last year. I know what I'll wear. I'm going to get up really early every morning until it's a good solid habit. I'm going to ask questions and speak up. I'm going to make friends and acknowledge the fact that nobody else really knows what they're doing with their lives. I'm going to keep a jar of peanut butter in my car and a loaf of bread. I'll pack my lunch everyday. I have this great new laptop and brand new nice backpack that's both practical and chic. I'm going to SURVIVE.

Holidays will come and I'm going to enjoy them rather than just wait for them to be over so I can go back to be miserable like every other time of the year. Classrooms get cold so sweaters will be a consistent thing brought to class.

My car is clean. I have my favorite poppy-seed dressing in my fridge. I'm covered in essential oils and sipping hot tea. I have all the supplies I need. My fish is fed, my alarms are set my laundry is put away. My sheets are clean and I have a happy new quilt. I have my senior photos taken. I have a job and oil in my car. IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

Happy graduation to all of my fellow seniors. #2020. Yes I'm so happy I'm graduating the year 2020. It just really rings well.