you poor pathetic thing you

You know when you want to be skinny but you can't tell when you're hungry because you don't sleep enough in order to allow those senses to work so you just eat out of stress and then you get stressed about that so you stop eating and then you get more tired because of that and you sleep but you're dead inside and you don't know how well you understand The Epic of Gilgamesh and you just want life to end so you can live.... ya that's just about it.

So what do you do, how do you fight it? You're home life is a gas leak and you don't know what to do. You just wait and suffer. People tell you that this is the easiest part of your life which makes you just want to give up even more but you don't because you know better than to trust people, especially from a far different generation. They had it easy... maybe, you honestly don't have a clue.

Then you figure it out! It's art! Art saves lives! Whether its Picasso, Hemingway, Louis Armstrong, Tim Burton, it's art whatever it is. It makes you feel something that's not numbness and sorrow. You feel like this piece of art is an emotion that you can connect and relate to when you don't have enough people to do that with. You don't want to be a burden. You don't want everyone to know what a pathetic little baby you actually are. You don't want people to see you struggle through "the easiest part of your life".

So goodnight maybe, it's a real toss up to see if you'll sleep tonight. You know that no one else around you is okay either, but why would they want anything to do with you? What do you have to offer? Ya I don't know either.

But then you figure it out, but because I don't know you don't want to say anything. You don't want to give it to the world around you or yourself. So you just hide it under a blanket and love it. Just the thought of it is there making you both so happy yet so sad at the same time.

You figure out how to finally give it, but me and my cousin Marge don't like it. The other 9 cousins do like it but you're too worried that the numbers will change. So many numbers defining what can never actually be defined by numbers.

It's hot, it's cold, it's numb, it's good, it's there, it's terrible, it's pathetic, and it's going going going and going.... and now its gone.

So, what was it to you?